OK, where to begin? I think I want to put this all down to remember but also for Eric to read as well. Everyone saw my repeated posts that night with the time frame so that is documented so to speak.
Now I don't know where any of you stand on views of "things happening for a reason" or there being a power that puts everything into alignment just right or whatever thoughts you have on any of that.
I for one, believe in signs and that not everything is a coincidence. If you don't want to believe that then you can stop reading here because from this point on, I write about all the "things/happenings" that seem to tie everything together and help us...or well at least me. Disclaimer...forgive me as this may jump around a bit as I try to put my thoughts together
So, about 3 weeks before THE CALL (as it will always be known) I had a dream. In my dream, I was sitting in the waiting room here in Nebraska (I know this because it was the same room I waited in when he had his heart cath here). I was alone and crying because we were here and I feared being alone due to the distance. A nurse came out and said the heart is good...it is time to kiss him before because they are ready to take him back. Now, we did get the heart here but I certainly was not alone. Our friend Lisa (who ironically was a high school classmate of Eric and later on one of my after school program moms) drove out Wednesday afternoon leaving Coralville about 4:30 to get here. I was insistent she wait because we didn't even know if the heart was viable and I would have felt guilty if she drove here only to follow us back home. However, she was MORE insistent that I couldn't say no, she was coming, and if I saw her face and told her to go home she would or if we found out the heart was not going to work, I would call and she would turn around. She was determined I was not going to be alone and I am so glad that she was more stubborn than me. She arrived before Eric was taken back and was up with me the whole night waiting for updates. For that there is no thank you. I know family would have wanted to be here for us but the drive is just so far to expect that.
So then last week, Eric had a dream that we were in a hospital setting visiting someone and a nurse came up and asked if he was Eric. When he said he was, she handed him a phone saying there was a call for him and it was a nurse saying they had a heart and we had to be there by 6pm. Then another doctor, totally unrelated to Eric's care, came up and said it was the healthiest, strongest heart he had ever seen. How he knew Eric had no idea. Both these dreams just gave me a feeling that I HAD to have my bag packed by last weekend...and I did by Sunday afternoon.
Now, lets go to a sign that I always heard of but think I have only seen once maybe...cardinals! For 2 weeks before THE CALL, we saw a cardinal almost daily outside our front door and windows that we can see from the living room. Every day!!! My dad passed away almost 2 years ago and I kept talking to him asking him to keep us safe until transplant. I think that was my dad telling me it was going to be OK.
So we get the call...haul ass here...Eric comes out of surgery...and we wait again to be allowed into the ICU to see him. As we are in the waiting room of the CVICU, there is another family waiting as well (that we had seen in the surgical waiting room also). We find out they are waiting for their daughter/wife/sister who has just had a double lung transplant. I am tired and wish them luck and dose off. Later that day when I am back with Eric, Lisa and they strike up more of a conversation. They begin to ask her about Eric and offer information about their loved one. Turns out they got the call and got here at 4:30 Wednesday (we got here at 4:00), She got started in surgery at 1:30 am (he got started just before midnight). They offer that she is blood type 0-, Eric is 0+. A light bulb clicks and Lisa asks them a question about information they gave us and they were told the same thing. Now we have no idea and never will, but the thought does come to you that maybe it was the same donor and we have that connection and we are supporting each other as strangers with a common bond...maybe more than we know.
I talked with my mom to update her. She has been so scared that maybe the heart wouldn't come in time so she proceeds to tell me she prayed to dad all night long until bed, asking him to wrap his wings around me and keep me safe. That he had to protect their youngest baby (yes I am the youngest of 6 children). Her voice is beginning to crack and when I tell her he did, she cries more saying "he did?" Yes, I do believe my dad was with me keeping me safe, and sane, through this. He always worried about all of us kids being OK and safe!! That was one of the awesome things about my dad.
So yeah...signs, a master plan, coincidences that all fall into place, whatever. I will take this perfect storm of events ANY day if this is the outcome. He is doing amazing by the way. Defying all odds and exceeding all expectations and goals they give him. Yet we are realistically optimistic and know that the hardest part starts now. The education about what to do and not do...the foods, the meds, the hygiene and daily life practices. But if we could survive the roller-coaster we did for 3 years, and come out stronger at the end of that ride, we can do this as long as we do it TOGETHER. And as always, tell those you love them NOW...don't wait until sometime it may be "better". That time may not come.
The hardest part of all this was that some family had to suffer so he could have his second chance. And I have experienced loss, as many have, and it sucks. So tonight I will say a prayer for his donor and thank them for giving us this second chance and the best birthday gift I could get. Oh yeah...did you know my birthday is Sunday? I never cared about gifts although they are nice and being spoiled now to me is being shown and told daily how much you mean to someone, I will take this gift because it truly was from the heart and the true meaning of giving...
Now I don't know where any of you stand on views of "things happening for a reason" or there being a power that puts everything into alignment just right or whatever thoughts you have on any of that.
I for one, believe in signs and that not everything is a coincidence. If you don't want to believe that then you can stop reading here because from this point on, I write about all the "things/happenings" that seem to tie everything together and help us...or well at least me. Disclaimer...forgive me as this may jump around a bit as I try to put my thoughts together
So, about 3 weeks before THE CALL (as it will always be known) I had a dream. In my dream, I was sitting in the waiting room here in Nebraska (I know this because it was the same room I waited in when he had his heart cath here). I was alone and crying because we were here and I feared being alone due to the distance. A nurse came out and said the heart is good...it is time to kiss him before because they are ready to take him back. Now, we did get the heart here but I certainly was not alone. Our friend Lisa (who ironically was a high school classmate of Eric and later on one of my after school program moms) drove out Wednesday afternoon leaving Coralville about 4:30 to get here. I was insistent she wait because we didn't even know if the heart was viable and I would have felt guilty if she drove here only to follow us back home. However, she was MORE insistent that I couldn't say no, she was coming, and if I saw her face and told her to go home she would or if we found out the heart was not going to work, I would call and she would turn around. She was determined I was not going to be alone and I am so glad that she was more stubborn than me. She arrived before Eric was taken back and was up with me the whole night waiting for updates. For that there is no thank you. I know family would have wanted to be here for us but the drive is just so far to expect that.
So then last week, Eric had a dream that we were in a hospital setting visiting someone and a nurse came up and asked if he was Eric. When he said he was, she handed him a phone saying there was a call for him and it was a nurse saying they had a heart and we had to be there by 6pm. Then another doctor, totally unrelated to Eric's care, came up and said it was the healthiest, strongest heart he had ever seen. How he knew Eric had no idea. Both these dreams just gave me a feeling that I HAD to have my bag packed by last weekend...and I did by Sunday afternoon.
Now, lets go to a sign that I always heard of but think I have only seen once maybe...cardinals! For 2 weeks before THE CALL, we saw a cardinal almost daily outside our front door and windows that we can see from the living room. Every day!!! My dad passed away almost 2 years ago and I kept talking to him asking him to keep us safe until transplant. I think that was my dad telling me it was going to be OK.
So we get the call...haul ass here...Eric comes out of surgery...and we wait again to be allowed into the ICU to see him. As we are in the waiting room of the CVICU, there is another family waiting as well (that we had seen in the surgical waiting room also). We find out they are waiting for their daughter/wife/sister who has just had a double lung transplant. I am tired and wish them luck and dose off. Later that day when I am back with Eric, Lisa and they strike up more of a conversation. They begin to ask her about Eric and offer information about their loved one. Turns out they got the call and got here at 4:30 Wednesday (we got here at 4:00), She got started in surgery at 1:30 am (he got started just before midnight). They offer that she is blood type 0-, Eric is 0+. A light bulb clicks and Lisa asks them a question about information they gave us and they were told the same thing. Now we have no idea and never will, but the thought does come to you that maybe it was the same donor and we have that connection and we are supporting each other as strangers with a common bond...maybe more than we know.
I talked with my mom to update her. She has been so scared that maybe the heart wouldn't come in time so she proceeds to tell me she prayed to dad all night long until bed, asking him to wrap his wings around me and keep me safe. That he had to protect their youngest baby (yes I am the youngest of 6 children). Her voice is beginning to crack and when I tell her he did, she cries more saying "he did?" Yes, I do believe my dad was with me keeping me safe, and sane, through this. He always worried about all of us kids being OK and safe!! That was one of the awesome things about my dad.
So yeah...signs, a master plan, coincidences that all fall into place, whatever. I will take this perfect storm of events ANY day if this is the outcome. He is doing amazing by the way. Defying all odds and exceeding all expectations and goals they give him. Yet we are realistically optimistic and know that the hardest part starts now. The education about what to do and not do...the foods, the meds, the hygiene and daily life practices. But if we could survive the roller-coaster we did for 3 years, and come out stronger at the end of that ride, we can do this as long as we do it TOGETHER. And as always, tell those you love them NOW...don't wait until sometime it may be "better". That time may not come.
The hardest part of all this was that some family had to suffer so he could have his second chance. And I have experienced loss, as many have, and it sucks. So tonight I will say a prayer for his donor and thank them for giving us this second chance and the best birthday gift I could get. Oh yeah...did you know my birthday is Sunday? I never cared about gifts although they are nice and being spoiled now to me is being shown and told daily how much you mean to someone, I will take this gift because it truly was from the heart and the true meaning of giving...
Eric and Tammy, yes,
ReplyDeleteI BELIEVE in signs, in help from above and truly love hearing about them! I especially liked the incident about giving your bracelet to Lisa for support. It was as if you knew you weren't going to need it and someone else did! I look forward to hearing all the great news coming from Nebraska! It's going to be a long road, yes, but you two have proven again and again that you will prevail!!! Love and kisses from Iowa City!